Slacking, not slacking, food, meowing

Our Christmas tree is still up. I’m so ashamed. At least it’s fake, and not dropping deadness all over the floor.

First there were the holidays, then a vacation after the holidays (hey, that’s when the cheap cruise was), then Joe got his electric car running — wait, not running, running again — you get the picture. Then I broke through the dreaded plot block I usually get around page 50. That’s where I suddenly decide the book is slowing down, and I come up with eight different ways to energize it, only to write them and then discard them all. It’s better now. Oh, and Joe gave me a Wii Fit for Christmas, which at first did not work at all with our very non-standard video system, but which now works TOTALLY AWESOMELY, so we spend all kinds of time slalom skiing, or pretending to be a ball on a tilting board, or flinging virtual hula hoops around. Watching Angel Joe try to rack up points before the hula-hoop timer runs out is HYSTERICALS. (I’m sure I’m just as funny.) The circular motion becomes a sort of twisting, thrashing… I really can’t describe it and no, I’m not going to share a vid of it with you. Leave us our dignity. Oh, and yesterday my virtual Wii yoga trainer bent over and I discovered he has a tiny ponytail on the back of his head. Hahahahahaha!

In other news, I decided I was tired of not having the use of my SINUSES, which have been plugged up with allergies for the last 4-6 months, to the extent that my allergist suggested a CAT scan to see if I had benign polyps that could be hacked out. I woke up on Jan 23 and thought, “This is bad. I need to do something.” So I put myself on this diet where basically I eat only a few things that I’m pretty sure I’m not allergic to, and rotate them on a four-day schedule. So a day’s menu might be the following:

• Apples
• Millet
• Cashews
• Kale
• Avocado oil (yes, I rotate the oils, too)
• Yams
• Salt

My nose is already WAY better, and of course I feel great and have lost some weight. I’m pretty sure my virtual Wii trainer thinks I’m FINE. The only side effect seems to be a tendency to use ALL CAPS.

In other news, Musette kitty and I did a duet this morning, where I sang Shipoopi entirely in meows, pausing after each phrase so she could meow. She did admirably, although she wasn’t on the beat. I lubs her anyway.

And it’s cold and snowy, so the Christmas tree looks entirely appropriate. Maybe I should dust it.

You know it’s windy when schools close.

Residents evacuate animals in front of a fast moving grass fire Wednesday. Photo by Paul Aiken

Boulder is having one of its Chinook winds, with 70-80 mile gusts. Our concrete-topped table blew off the porch and across the yard.  Part of the fence at my allergist’s office blew down while I was there. Three emergency vehicles passed me while I was out running errands. Here’s a minute-by-minute update of the bad things that have happened. (Article runs from most recent to earlier in time.)

In other news, Neighbor Dominick found a gnawed deer leg a block away. He attributes it to the mountain lion spotted about a quarter of a mile away, last week. I said, “A dog probably brought it down from the trails while on a walk.” He says he likes his version better. Needless to say I make sure that Musette is in and her pet door closed by dusk, but with the large assortment of delectable dogs on all sides of us, I’m not too worried.

In other, other news, we watched The Love God? with Don Knotts the other night (an Uncle Dennis pick), and laughed through the whole thing. Plus, the p0rn0 mag covers in it were hilarious (no, they did not feature Knotts). I offer you this wonderful trailer of the movie, which loosely parodies the genesis of Playboy Magazine.

Wachowski Bros — NOT pathetic.

We just finished watching the Speed Racer movie here at the Ol’ Home Cineplex (Motto: “If you still measure your TV in inches, it’s too small.“) Wow. I mean, WOW. These are the guys who brought us the spiffy camera work in The Matrix, and although I didn’t see the full Matrix trilogy (writing = “meh,” and it was very grey), I enjoyed  Speed Racer from start to finish. Yes, there were a few hackneyed lines.

“You don’t climb into a T-180 to be a driver. You do it because you’re driven. “

This reminded me irresistibly of Mystery Men:

The Sphinx: “Until you learn to master your rage…”

Mister Furious: “Your rage will become your master. That’s what you were going to say, right? Right?”

The Sphinx: “Not necessarily.”

But mostly the dialogue was fine. The acting was quite good, the eye candy, superlative. (Helloooo, Rain!)

However — the Big Payoff was the visual sensation that you were inside a halogen-lit kaleidoscope being twirled by a chimpanzee on methamphetamines. (The chimp is an integral part of the film.)

Let me give you two disclaimers. First, I’ve never seen an episode or even a clip of the original Speed Racer cartoon. Second, I don’t put CGI and special effects anywhere near the same level as good writing, direction and acting. But I do love color and movement, and this movie delivers both in overwhelming amounts. Also, they do this crazy screen wipe with a separate scene that’s giving you information. It works your brain in whole different ways.

Watching the special features, the look and feel appears to be a group effort — the product of a long-standing team. I sincerely hope it is, because if the Wachowski brothers were able to visualize something like this from the very beginning, I feel like a Neanderthal to their Homo Sapien.

Beverly Hills Chihuahua

Okay, do bother with the trailers on YouTube. I don’t know what drugs the people were on who produced those trailers. Not good ones. You have to go to the official web site (below) to see the good trailer.

Click here and know that there’s sound and also that you may laugh, especially when the iguana falls out of the piñata.

I don’t know how many of my friends know this, but I have a thing for Chihuahuas. I’ve already written one book with a Chi, am working on one right now that has a Chi, and am planning a third that, oh, you know the rest. Chihuahuas are currently the #12 most popular dog in the U.S., and I expect them to caper even farther up that list.

Chihuahuas. They’re taking over.

Dark Shadows (ooh-ooh-OOOOOOOOH!)

Uncle Dennis (Musette’s uncle, not mine), introduced us to Dark Shadows, and we’ve been watching the 1991 miniseries revival. (Shoulder pads! Miami Vice five o’clock shadows! Really tan vampires!) I’ve not been much for the gothic genre, but I am totally hooked. It’s great storytelling.

OMG. I just looked up the miniseries on Wikipedia, to get the date, and it was CANCELED because it got preempted all the time during the Gulf War, and viewers lost interest. And it ends on a cliffhanger!

I watched one of the episodes of the original 60s-70s version, but that was a soap opera and moved soooo slowly. I don’t know if I can do it.

Maybe there’s a book.

Hellboy II: The Golden Army

Princess Nuala

Hellboy II: The Golden Army, was released yesterday. In it, a bad elf prince attacks our world. The movie is getting raves for its look (the same director did Pan’s Labyrinth). As for me, I’m interested in the look of these elves versus my elves.

• Long silky hair, check.
• Pointy ears, check (they’re there).
• Clothes, okay sure.
• Vampire eyes and mark left by wearing ski goggles too long, um…

Prince Nuada

Regardless, it looks like good CGI fun. Here’s a nice article from Salon.com, and below is a trailer.

Thanks, Dominick!

Video!

What do incubi get up to when they’re not at their owners’ beck and call?

“Colin” video up later today!

(ADDED: It’s up! Click the Video tab at the top of the site.)

I’m in the process of copying files so Joe can have his Apple computer back for work. We worked all weekend on the vid — 15 hours just yesterday, not including meals. In the end, the live recordings of my voice were too quiet to be usable, so I wound up looping all my dialogue. Can I just say that I talk way too fast? Due to the fact that all my audio is dubbed, I look like the only English-speaker in a Hong Kong martial-arts flick, but that just adds to the humor.

Lobster Man from Mars!

(1989)

eBay’s Buy It Now price is $5.98, but before you say, “Even that’s too much,” you should know that this baby was nominated for an award at its Sundance Film Festival premiere. In addition to featuring Tony Curtis (who later wrote that he did the film for $100,000 so he could make his child-support payments),