You’re an elf when…

Note: These will be funniest after you’ve read the book.

“You know you’re an elf when…”

  1. You’re on the mailing lists for eighteen seed catalogues addressed to “Resident” and thrown into the woods.
  2. Your mother says, “After three hundred years, you want to move back home? Too bad. I turned your room into an aspen grove.”
  3. Your favorite clothing designer is Burberry, made with actual burrs and berries.
  4. Your last visit to the doctor involved a soil pH test and a prescription for bindweed.
  5. Your favorite perfume/cologne is Eau de Beneficial Nematode.
  6. The only available men are either dark elves or guys who think sex with humans “doesn’t count.”
  7. Your YouTube Favorites list is composed entirely of Björk videos.
  8. For your last birthday, your friends hypnotized Donald Trump into donating his assets to the Nature Conservancy.



Esri.Rose @ (without spaces)


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