“Blank” of the Month Club

Squid me!

Plenty of “one a month” clubs exist, but how many go beyond the usual food or flower items? I won’t say the answer will astound you (there is no Pyramid of the Month club, for example), but it gives an interesting perspective on folks who want goodies in their mail.

In searching on Google, I specified “of the month club,” but excluded the following: book, cheese, wine, cigar, tea, nut, chocolate, and fruit.

There were still plenty of food clubs, from the generic “snack of the month” to the more specific nut, pickle (European-style only, no Asian), potato chip, jelly, lobster, bacon, and jerky clubs. As a fool for cured meats, I was tempted by those last two. There is the general and rather pervy-sounding “Meat of the Month Club” and the specifically pervy-sounding sausage club. These two might lead you to subscribe to the condom-, sex toy-, or lingerie-of-the-month clubs. Skip the condoms, and you might need the Onesie-of-the-Month plan sold by Babesta.com at an astonishing $270/year. The $22.50 price per onesie includes shipping, but come on…it’s less than two square feet of material and probably weighs an ounce. They do have a guarantee: “Babesta’s onesie of the month club will guarantee that the little recipient starts off “on trend” and stays that way.” It’s good to get those priorities straight at a young age.

Lest your furry, barking child feel left out, there is a dog biscuit of the month club, and also a dog-collar club, presumably to start your puppy “on trend” and keep him that way. There was also something called a Dog of the Month club. Blessedly, they just send photos.

There are brainy subscription clubs where you receive a monthly fossil or mineral, and also a clone-of-the-month club. The latter suggested some biotechnology advances of which I was not aware, but it turned out to be rocket models. To my surprise, some of the most specific clubs were not scientific. The keg, button, pencil, sock, and flightsuit clubs all suggested a strong focus in life, as did the “synth module” club for electronic keyboardists, and the “free Jewish music MIDI” of-the-month club.

The Bum-of-the-Month Club sounds as though twelve different panhandlers come to your door, possibly for the convenience of soft-touch agoraphobics with a yen for variety. Instead, it refers to a publicity stunt wherein boxer Joe Louis took on a different challenger at the rate of one a month.

There were at least three different artists with monthly subscription clubs.

The Invisible Fountain painting-of-the-month-club features the following:

  • Original one-of-a-kind paintings by Luke Cavagnac
  • I.F. “ART FOR ALL” t-shirt
  • I.F. stickers
  • POTMC membership card
  • Free subscription to The Yankee Winebib magazine
  • Handmade invitation to every I.F. event
  • “First Pick” (reserve any painting in the gallery)
  • Free entry into the monthly painting raffle
  • Members Only” discount on painting classes at I.F.
  • Free portrait of you or your pet
  • The joyful feeling of satisfaction that you are a true patron of the arts helping to keep the fountain flowing.

There are four levels of membership, the top being a pretty big painting each month for $44.44, and the bottom being a small painting for $11.11. He can’t be making a dime on that one, considering that it still comes with the T-shirt, etc.

Our second artist has created the “Unfortunate Animal of the Month” club. These mutated and mad-scientist-constructed animals include armless teddy bears, Siamese-twin kitties, and the following example from the “Alien” category.

That’s its natural form, so presumably it’s unfortunate for being stranded on earth and in the power of your three-year old. A three-month subscription will cost you $50. The details of further subscription levels are well worth reading, and give you the chance to specify if you want tiny skulls or dried chicken feet in the packaging.

As entertaining as these unfortunate creatures are, my favorite subscription is the Squid-a-Month Club.

The club runs in six-month increments, but is currently sold out. The pricing description is a little unclear, and because I can’t add the item to my Etsy.com shopping cart, I can’t tell whether the $10/month covers just shipping or the squid as well. When subscription is available, you can tell artist Cleo Dee your interests or special occasions, and she will integrate these into your squid quota. I should mention that there are a bunch of individually sold squids available at around the $20 mark.

Of course, “squid with her cat” first caught my eye.

But you’ve also got “viking squid.”

“Mix CD squid”…

And possibly my favorite, “squid and his computer.”

There are about 20 individual squids for sale, including a bride and groom set o’ squids.

Reluctantly leaving the land of cephalapods, our last stop is the Thing of the Month club consolidator, “for people who love getting packages.”

Whether you want 12, six, or four months worth of things, they have a club to fit, many of them for kids.

So there you have it. I only looked at the first 30 pages of Google results on this subject, and I didn’t detail the fishing-lure, shoe, or water clubs. Have fun, kids.


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4 Responses to ““Blank” of the Month Club”

  1. Laura Says:

    What you need is a Cat Toy of the Month Club.

    What I need is an Outing of the Month Club. (Which might be the same as a Babysitter of the Month Club.)

  2. Esri Rose Says:

    Listen, I could start a cat toy of the month club.

  3. Laura Says:

    The scary thing is that even if you started a “Hairball-of-the-Month” club, you’d probably get takers.

    People are strange.

  4. JaMo Says:

    what about non paying something of the month lists! help. like this:

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